I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
is wine microwaveable?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
