i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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