he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
