I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
