big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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