Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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