Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
