I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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