jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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