Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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