i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
