No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize