Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
