john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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