Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
