ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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