there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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