You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
