My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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