He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
