y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
