the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
