omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
