She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
And then he peed in my hair
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