Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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