I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
