you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
