I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
