I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
