i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
