I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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