community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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