1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
