It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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