i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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