And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
