is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
