i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
