i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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