i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
