i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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