How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
