ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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