i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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