I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
