Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
