oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
