There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
