We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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