I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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