the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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