My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
