I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
