I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
