He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
