I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
