I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
