I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
