just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You ate ashes out of my bong
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize