Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
