just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
