I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
