look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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