I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
