Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
