Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
