I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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