I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
