Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
