you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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