tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
