me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
