fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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